Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
