my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
