6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
