I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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