He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
