I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
