There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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