Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
