I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
