I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
