How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
