the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
