If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!