sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My liver just had a heart attack.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants