I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.