it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
