If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
