apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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