my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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