tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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