ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize