Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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