I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
