Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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