Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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