didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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