Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
