Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
