I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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