I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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