So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
