Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
