dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
