We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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