then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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