i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
