I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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