It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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