jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
