did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
