the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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