I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
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No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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