final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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