How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
