Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
