I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I bet he comes in French.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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