They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
