Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He shit in the fireplace
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
