Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
