so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
