Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
