DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
