Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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