That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
