Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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