I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
