Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
