bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
