I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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