I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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