Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
