I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
