Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
