Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dick very happy bro
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
