Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
