wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
