JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
